Father, we are filled with the new light by the coming of your Word among us. May the light of faith shine in our words and actions. Grant this through our Lord Jesus Christ, your Son, who lives and reigns with you and the Holy Spirit, one God, for ever and ever. Amen.
May the spirit of Christmas bring you peace,The gladness of Christmas give you hope,The warmth of Christmas grant you love.
No parent should have to add a grave blanket to their list of Christmas gifts to buy their children. It's a little bit appalling. Yet add it I did, and I was happy to. Why? Because it was something I could do for him. One of the worst parts of losing a child is the unfinished feeling you have. You haven't finished raising him, seeing what he was destined to become. As a Catholic I know that Ryan became exactly what God planned for him and his early death was part of that plan, but as a parent I wanted to see him go to high school, plan for a future, to be part of what he was to become. I was supposed to finish before him, he was to be there for me at the end and usher me into my Father's house. It feels all mixed up.
So now I do what I can for him. We ordered a beautiful headstone which can't go up until the spring, and I placed a blanket of evergreen on his grave. It was made by a dear friend, who is a florist and was covered in little musical instruments with a pretty little manger set in the middle. Every time we go visit Ryan there are plants and statues, little gifts and letters from people. It makes us happy to know he is remembered and loved, even still.
I have to confess to being royally annoyed that Christmas is going forward without my son. It seems so wrong that there be so much happiness when my heart aches so badly. Then I look into the faces of my children. They are happy about Christmas. The small ones are looking for Jesus to be in the manger in the morning and the wee ones are so excited to put the last piece on the magnetic Advent calendar. Then, of course, there is a jolly old elf due to arrive in the dark hours of the night. Their happiness touches me and helps me to focus on the joy. There can be joy even in our darkest hours because joy isn't really an emotion the way happy and sad is. Joy is the knowing that there is eternal bliss waiting. That God sacrificed His Son for our salvation. Joy is intellectual and carries on while happiness and sadness are fleeting. So I will take the joy and I will bide my time for happiness. It will come.
In the meantime, i do what I can for him. I speak to him in prayer, I attend as many Masses said for him as I can, and materially, I cover his grave in a mother's tears and a blanket of evergreen.
It's funny. We don't often get big snow storms here. Mostly we have freezing rain and the occasional couple of inches. Today we are going to get slammed with about a foot of snow. This does not bode well for the play. If the weather is that bad the performance will take place Sunday.
Meantime I am running out to stock up on more milk for hot cocoa and some last minute baking supplies. Seems like a good day to stay in and keep the oven busy.
Have a lovely warm day.
Just to shake things up once a week or so I take the show on the road and we spend a few hours at our library. A friend of mine, who is one of the best mothers I know, watches the twins for a few hours twice a week in order that I might get some quite time with the other children, you know, and actually accomplish something. This was initially my husbands request. He thought that I would feel less overwhelmed if the twins (who bring their own brand of noisy craziness to our homeschool) could be gainfully occupied elsewhere once in a while giving me some space to quietly pursue drilling some knowledge into the older children. In a sweet and serene CM way of course. This has a lot to do with the sudden outbursts of grief I experience and a general feeling of, well I don't exactly know but feeling not myself. So at my husband's urging and with the cooperation of my dear friend (honestly - no one is better blessed in friendship than I am) the twins go to her house for a "playdate" and we have some peace here. I'm not sure I will take advantage of this for a long time but for right now it is helping.
On the second of those days we pack up some books and head to the library. This has been wonderful for my library fine dilemma of years past. Like the last twenty years past. A regular library day has eliminated my need to write checks to pay my fines. The library recently purchased a lot across the street and paved it for a parking lot, Dave is pretty sure we paid for it in fines. He's so funny.
So we do a little school, make friends with the librarians (useful people) and soak in the books. We take out science DVDs, we are big Bill Nye fans, and we explore all of the wonderful things the library has to offer. We borrow magazines, reference materials, and lots of fun living books for math and history. This all serves to fill out as many of our studies.
Pondering math.
Camera shy.
This did not end well.
Then we came home, the twins were delivered with many tales of their adventures. A cozy afternoon fire and some planning time for mama made for a peaceful afternoon.
For those who asked, our house lit up. Simple and pretty. It's very much my style.
Tomorrow begins our Christmas break so I have some happy campers here. Wait until they discover it begins with a dental appointment for a bunch of them. :(
I've made reference a few times to the play that Katie, Erin and Kelli are performing in on Saturday, December 19th. The name of the play is Like Winter Waiting. The play was written by John Foley, SJ and is presented as a choral concert with some spoken parts.
Like Winter Waiting is a thought-provoking musical play that tells the Advent story with humor, poignancy and joy. It celebrates the anticipation of Christmas the way an expectant mother joyously awaits the birth of her child — the waiting is a sacred time of reflection, preparation and hope.
What is so wonderful about this play is that it is being performed in Ryan's memory. The director is the young and lovely music teacher who teaches our local homeschool chorus. The performers are mostly the adults Ryan sang with at church as well as some of the adults in our family rosary group. Actually each family in our group has some involvement. The only child speaking part is that of a young John the Baptist and is being sung by Chris a young man in our rosary group and a close friend of my Ryan.
The girls are performing in the chorus as are a number of children who knew Ryan.
A portion of the proceeds from ticket sales will be donated to Autism Speaks in Ryan's memory.
If anyone is local and has an interest in seeing the performance at Our Lady of Perpetual Help Church, 140 South Wellwood Avenue, Lindenhurst you can call Debbie (631-957-0765) or Chris (631-957-2321) two parish ladies who are handling ticket sales. The tickets are $5 each or $20 per family. Tickets are going fast so I would recommend reserving if you want to attend.
Outside my window…Very gray and drizzly. Again. The temperature is
freakishly mild though.
I am thinking. . . about cleaning and organizing. We spent a large part
of the weekend rearranging, sadly, to accommodate our new normal. It’s got me
in a cleaning mode, I’ve reorganized my office closet and am looking forward to
ending school on Wednesday and tackling the learning room.
Isn’t
that strange? Christmas is coming but all I want to do is clean.
I am thankful for. . . the generosity of all of the wonderful moms
who seem to want to comfort and care for me. For the generous man who came and
lit the outside of our home to cheer up the children. Seriously, a professional
lighting job that my children were just over the moon about. What a thoughtful
gift.
From the schoolroom. . . Mostly just crafting, reading, some math and
waiting for the joy. We’ve been doing a lot of water coloring and, believe it
or not, nature sketching. On days it’s
too rainy to go out we use some great books to use copywork and sketch from.
From the kitchen. . . Something chicken. Since we took delivery on
our grass fed Amish cow we are a little “beefed out” so I thawed some chicken breasts. What will be
done to them I have no idea.
We’ve
been baking a lot but also eating them. I can’t keep cookies in this house.
I am wearing. . . Grey pants. white blouse, lavender Irish cardigan sweater. Also pink fuzzy socks and pink fuzzy slippers. I will change those when I go out.
I am going. . . Dropping the three girls
and a sweet friend to Irish step dance.
From there all four girls go to play practice. More about the play to come.
On the nightstand. . . Last Minute Patchwork Quilted Gifts but Joelle
Hoverson. Lotta Jansdotters Simple Sewing for Baby
(these are all on loan from the library). Also Make Your Place, affordable, sustainable
nesting skills ( I own) and Living Simply Children by Marie Sherlock
(also on loan from the library).
I am hoping. . . That the house stays clean for an hour or so.
I am hearing. . . Various children’s voices. They are watercoloring.
I am listening… to L'Angelus O Night Divine Elizabeth was right, it’s lovely. Thank you for sharing!
Around the house. . . It’s clean and tidy (I pay someone, don’t be impressed) and .
One of my favorite things. . . Twins. Three year old
twins who have big eyed wonder at the sights and sounds of the season. Twins
who are so excited about everything.
A few plans for the rest of the week. . . Daddy is, for the first time ever, taking a
week at Christmas beginning Thursday. We can’t wait. We will go get a tree on Friday and decorate.
Play
practice every night this week and then the big night is Saturday.
Here is picture thought I am sharing. .
Last Friday. A typical Friday at the Bonny Blue House.
That was the kind of weekend we had, a whirlwind. It's all good stuff but it does make for a tired Monday. However I have no time to be tired since this week is going to be insanely busy.
Saturday was of the "driving kids all over the place" kind of busy. In between I made pit stops at Michaels and Target. Target is, I am certain, the seventh circle of hell in December. This is not Target's fault. There were no less than twenty cashiers so in spite of the crowded conditions there were no lines. Also, my cashier was a very nice young lady with a pleasant smile who bagged and placed the bags in my cart for me. No - the hellishness was a product of the customers. They were an ugly bunch. I also was nearly killed in the parking lot twice. WHy do people lose their minds when Christmas shopping?
Nothing says "welcome newborn king" like mowing down middle-aged women in parking lots.
Sheesh.
In the late afternoon Dave and I and four other couples (our dearest friends) took a train to Manhattan where we attended the taping of Garrison Keillor's Prairie Home Companion radio show. This is the Christmas show and he does it from Town Hall (not the actual town hall but a theater of the same name). The we went off to dinner at St. Andrew's Pub a place known for it's scotch list. Dinner was lovely and the Laphroaig divine.
Sunday was another "driving the children around" day but it ended with a lovely family meal (pork chops if you are that curious) and my reading Jotham's Journey to the children and Dave around the fire.
Sounds nice doesn't it? It was.
This week is going to be hairy.
Monday: Gingerbread house decorating party (I have to leave soon) and then flute lessons, big girls to Mass and then their granny is picking them up for a girls sleep-over and a day of Christmas shopping.
Tuesday: 6:30 am Mass for me, cookie making with little people, girls arrive home, dance class and play practice. Day ends at 9:30 pm.
Wednesday: I am really looking forward to a St. Nicholas party at a friend's home.
Thursday: Free day but play practice for the kids at night.
Friday: I am hosting a card making party for a few families. I supply basic materials to make Christmas cards, the children make the cards and then I will drop them at a local nursing home to distribute to the patients who don't receive and cards. A tray of cookies for the nurses will accompany the cards.
That seems less busy on paper than it seems in real life.
I hope to be posting more as our week progresses, pictures at the very least. I hope you all have a blessed day.
Aliki: William Shakespeare & the Globe (Trophy Picture Books)
Colleen Aagesen: Shakespeare for Kids: His Life and Times, 21 Activities (For Kids series)
Lois Burdett: A Child's Portrait of Shakespeare (Shakespeare Can Be Fun series)
Diane Stanley: Bard of Avon: The Story of William Shakespeare
Charles Lamb: Tales From Shakespeare Student Edition Complete And Unabridged
E. Nesbit: Beautiful Stories from Shakespeare (Yesterday's Classics)
Bruce Coville: William Shakespeare's A Midsummer Night's Dream
